2016: My Unexpected, Unforeseen Blessing

A lot of people my age see 2016 as a horrible year. As did I. Until I looked back and realized what this year was.

People who are close to me know this wasn't the easiest year for me. I had to deal with poisonous relationships in my life, I had to grow in my faith and recognize where I needed growth, I had to deal with the busyness of life and having to learn to find time for love and friendships and mostly the Lord.

But through all of that I grew. I grew in amazing and unexpected ways. So, here are some things I learned in 2016 that made the year a blessing in disguise:

I learned.....

1. How to stand up for myself. For a long time I was so scared to defend myself, or speak up for myself. So, I let people walk all over me. To take advantage of me. And that led me to a pretty bad place lying in a hospital bed. So, I found the courage to speak, to stand. To not let people walk all over me, and the best part is I learned how to do it in love, thanks to the grace of God.

2. I learned how to work on a team. This was probably on of the hardest things I learned. This summer you all know I work at WinShape, and it is always chalked up to look glamorous, but really, it was a hard road. Everyone knows that I am not the easiest person to get along with, I have a strong personality and sometimes I can have a bad attitude. But this summer I learned to put myself behind me for the goodness of the team. I had a director who I loved and hated. Loved because he pushed me and hated because, you guessed it, he pushed me. Pushed me to grow in the Lords name, and I did. People may not see that, but I did. (If I worked with you this summer and you're reading this, I love you more than you know, and you helped me more than you know)

Okay enough sappiness, moving on.

3, I learned how to let people go. After camp, there is a lot of people you love, that you never see or talk to again. I had to learn to let go. That same director that I loved like a brother? I had to learn to let him go. He was someone the Lord put in my life to guide me for that time, and then after that it was time to move on. Which was really hard for me. Once I make up my mind about someone, it is hard to change it. If I decide I want you in my life, only to walk away, it is hard. But I learned that the Lord brings some people for a reason, and some for a season (not to be cheesey).

4. I learned to find God in moments of overwhelming busyness. I worked three jobs and went to school full time this semester, while also trying to balance friends and boys and church and bible studies. At one point, I just put my faith on the back burner. I stopped going to church, stopped going to bible studies and college groups. I just stopped caring. But then over break, I realized how long it had been since I had talked to God, so when driving one night at 2 AM, I just drove and poured my heart out to God. And He was there, He never left, through all of that.

5, I learned to find the good in hard times. This year was a year of growth, because looking bad at all the very hard moments, I look back and see God's hand. I see his love and his grace. I see the path he has laid down and I can turn around and see how far I have come.

As I turn back to the path ahead, I have no idea what 2017 is going to come with, I don't know the struggles, I don't know the amazing moments. I don't know the life events that lay ahead, but I know someone who does. Someone who loves me. Someone who cares for me. So I am going to take His hand and walk with Him into this new year.

2017, I am ready for you.

An Open Letter: To The "Empty" Believer

Friend,

I know how you feel in this moment. I know it seems like no one cares or understands, but I promise you, I do.

Being empty is probably, in my opinion, one of the worse things a believer can be. That season of emptiness puts into question your relationships, your commitments, your life, your dreams, your goals, your testimony, and ultimately, your faith.

But, hear me friend, there is HOPE! Even when it seems like there is nothing beyond the horizon, I promise you, it is not finished! The Lord is not finished with you! Every single time you breathe is a testament that God has something more in store for you.

I didn't believe that. When I was empty, I had no hope, no desire, no joy, nothing. I had nothing. But, listen friend, I took me recognizing the little good things in my life to find God again. And I know believers hear this all the time "if you just do this, then you will find God again" and for a long time I disagreed with that statement.

 God strongly put this on my heart today:

                God has already taken the first step, he has already opened the door, he is just patiently waiting for us to reciprocate what he has already done. 

God wants to walk with us in every single moment of our life. He is with us even when we don't feel him. And when we don't feel him, it is because WE take a step away from HIM, not vice-versa.

So, hear me out, I get it. This season absolutely sucks and it feels like nothing matters, but - you do. God has you still going because it is not over. And He has placed people in your life to guide you, if you would just be real. You don't need to hide that you are struggling. I did - and when I finally told someone, they didn't know how to handle it because I was someone who tried my best to make it seem like I was always good. Recognize, though, that anyone you go to is also struggling. There is only one that we can go to who will understand fully and who is still perfect - Jesus. He is waiting for you to take a step. If you feel like you can't talk to Him, because, trust me, I get that, then at least be willing to recognize that He is there, waiting, and friend, find comfort in the fact that the one who created you loves you enough, not only to save you, but also to patiently wait until you go to him.

He loves you.

So, here is my challenge for you:

Find the small things in your life that are good, and give thanks to the Lord for them.

This sounds so easy, and yet, we don't. 

Friend, do not give up. I have been where you are and I will probably be there again. Do not let Satan take a stronghold in your life. You have the strong one to be your strength. You can do this. No matter what you feel, you are not alone. You are loved, and treasured, and made new. You are a child of the One True King.

Sincerely,

A friend.